The Buddha's Four Sights: A Lesson in Perception

The story of Prince Siddhartha (who later became the Buddha) offers us a profound entry point to understand how perspective shapes reality. As the legend goes, the sheltered prince ventured beyond palace walls and encountered four sights that transformed his understanding:

1. An old person

2. A sick person

3. A dead person

4. An ascetic (spiritual seeker)

This sequence of encounters led to his enlightenment journey. But how we interpret this sequence reveals something fundamental about perception itself.

When discussing this story with my husband about how to present it to our son, we discovered something fascinating. I placed myself in the position of the prince—an internal reference frame—and reasoned that he would likely encounter old age first (through grandparents), then sickness, and finally death. This sequence made perfect sense to me.

My husband, however, observed from a parent's perspective—an external reference frame—that the prince would naturally experience sickness first (as all children do), then witness old age, and finally understand death as a developmental progression.

Both perspectives were valid. Both made logical sense. Yet they led to different interpretations of the same story—all because of our different reference frames.

What is Reference Frame of Self?

Reference Frame of Self (RFS) is a perceptual foundation that determines where we anchor our sense of agency and how we interpret experiences. It represents a fundamental orientation that develops early in life and influences how we perceive ourselves and our relationships with others.

As the neuroscientist Allan Schore explains:

"Schore's research reveals how profoundly early attachment experiences influence brain development. Secure attachment relationships promote optimal development of the orbitofrontal cortex – a brain region crucial for emotional regulation and interpersonal functioning. When caregivers consistently respond to their infant's emotional states with attunement and regulation, they help build the neural architecture necessary for healthy emotional development." (The Neurobiology of Attachment)

The RFS exists as a continuum between two orientations:

Internal Reference Frame (+e)

An Internal RFS anchors agency primarily within the self. Individuals with this orientation tend to:

• Trust their internal signals

• Self-regulate emotions

• Make decisions independently

• Maintain a stable sense of self across contexts

External Reference Frame (-e)

An External RFS anchors agency primarily in relation to others/environment. Individuals with this orientation tend to:

• Look for external validation

• Co-regulate emotions with others

• Make decisions with external input

• Adapt their sense of self to context

The Developmental Foundations of Reference Frames

How do these reference frames develop? Research consistently points to early caregiving experiences as formative.

John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, articulated this process:

"A securely attached child will store an internal working model of a responsive, loving, reliable care-giver, and of a self that is worthy of love and attention and will bring these assumptions to bear on all other relationships. Conversely, an insecurely attached child may view the world as a dangerous place in which other people are to be treated with great caution, and see himself as ineffective and unworthy of love." (John Bowlby and Attachment Theory)

Consider two developmental extremes that shape reference frame formation:

The Overstimulated Infant

When a caregiver consistently anticipates and meets an infant's needs before the infant can recognize or express them (for example, feeding before hunger signals emerge), the infant fails to develop awareness of internal states. As Linda Graham explains:

"Our earliest relationships actually build the brain structures we use for relating lifelong; experiences in those early relationships encode in the neural circuitry of our brains by 12-18 months of age, entirely in implicit memory outside of awareness; these patterns of attachment become the 'rules', templates, schemas, for relating that operate lifelong, the 'known but not remembered' givens of our relational lives..." (The Neuroscience of Attachment)

Without learning to recognize internal signals, the child develops an External RFS, looking to others to define their needs and states. This creates challenges in self-regulation and authentic self-expression.

The Neglected Infant

Conversely, when caregivers consistently fail to respond to an infant's signals, the infant learns that external sources cannot be trusted. As Bruce Perry explains:

"When you are an attentive, attuned, and responsive caregiver to these little ones, you're literally weaving together this powerful three-part association—you're building a healthy root system for the Tree of Regulation. Furthermore, as we talked about earlier, these bonding experiences create the infant's worldview about humans. A consistent, nurturing caregiver builds an internal view that people are safe, predictable, and caring." (What Happened to You?)

When this attunement is absent, the infant develops a predominantly Internal RFS as a survival mechanism, relying on self-regulation and dismissing the value of external input. This can manifest as dismissive attachment patterns or, in extreme cases, antisocial tendencies.

In our next discussion of RFS, we will explore what does that mean for the adults who have gone through this level of mistreatment. Our belief is that by reframing the analytical angle towards a primordial preceptive positioning, it could unlock a new and more accurate understanding of attachment theory substrate and therefore enable the field of psychology to retain its proper place as the study of self in this uncertain world.